monster is me entirely :(

so you know when you know somethings different about you like sometnhings totally wrong but you just can't understand it? well for about the past six months now i know somethings been different about me but i couldn't figure out what was...i laugh a little later to others peoples jokes that truly aren't that funny to me in the first palce i'm irritable all of the time i just wanna be left alone but i don't at the same time because i'm scared to be left alone with this monster i've created inside of me so i always hang out with the same people do the same old thing. i put on my fake signature smile like my life is just freaking amazing when truly its not. i just feel so broken like i just wandered on my own. it actually got so bad to where one of my own bestfriends just didn't even know who i was anymore and truly i lost that girl inside of me when i came back to school in august. so basically i was just wallowing in self pity when i again came across the lifehouse everything skit and of course i cried seeing as though i've been through every stinking thing in that skit, but it made me once again remember what our precious savior Jesus Christ has done and will do for me and you so i say to i'm sorry for all of you i've offended or treated badly i really am truly sorry i'm not perfect trust me on that one. i'm sick of this mentality that we christians have to have it together every flipping day, well you know what i'm done. that menatlity and sterotype is OVER. so i'm sorry for what i've become this past six months i've been trying to hide form it for a long time now. i let satan win well not anymore, i'm through with hiding and anger and well basically hating myself so yeah...comment if you want whatevs.